Single mum dating can be hard! It can also be fun, but it IS an emotional roller coaster. I’ve been a single mum for several years now and I’ve dated, given up on dating and then dated again. Here are my biggest Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to putting yourself out there as a single mum!
Are you a single mum putting yourself out there and dating? Good on you! I’ve been single for several years now and I have plenty of dating stories – some good, some horrendous! (You can read my Single Mum Dating Horror Stories here). I’ve put together a list of important Do’s and Don’ts when it comes to dating, after learning a lot of these lessons the hard way.
DO’s
Put safety first!
This seems obvious but situations can become unsafe very quickly and easily if you’re not aware of your surroundings, if you don’t know the person you’re dating very well and if you make spontaneous decisions that may be influenced by alcohol.
Ensure you:
- Meet for the first time in a public place – a bar, cafe or restaurant
- Keep most of your contact details private until you get to know someone and feel comfortable sharing
- Tell a friend or family member where you’re going, with who and for how long
- Plan how you will leave, before the date. Make sure you park close by or you plan to get on the train or for someone to pick you up.
“If you feel uncomfortable, trust your instincts and feel free to leave a date or cut off communication with whoever is making you feel unsafe. Do not worry about feeling rude—your safety is most important, and your date should understand that. If you felt uncomfortable or unsafe during the date, remember you can always unmatch, block, or report your match after meeting up in person which will keep them from being able to access your profile in the future.”
rainn.org/articles/online-dating-and-dating-app-safety-tips
Trust your gut
Most of the time, my gut steers me in the right direction. I have learned to trust my gut and go with my instincts. If your gut is telling you that something isn’t right, or that someone shouldn’t be trusted, or that someone is lying, or if you feel unsafe in any way, chances are, you are probably right.
** Just as a side note, it’s better to trust your gut when you’re sober too, rather than when you may be under the influence…
Whether it’s the first date or the third, communication can change over time and people also start to reveal more of themselves as time goes on. It’s important to keep your eyes wide open when you’re dating. Take note of any red flags and just trust your instincts.
Be yourself
Is there really any benefit to the alternative? People reveal more about who they are and what makes them tick as time goes on anyway so why not just be up front from the beginning?
Too often, people play games, they’re on their best behaviour in the beginning, or they pretend to be someone they’re not, just to impress. Sure, use your manners and reveal your fun side, but just remember to be true to who you really are.
Give people a chance
It’s difficult to get to know someone from one date. You can get first impressions and make some initial judgments (we all do it), but if in doubt, go on a second date.
Give them a chance to open up a bit more, and give yourself a chance to like them.
I know for myself, sometimes it can take a few dates or a few encounters before I start to get the ‘feels’ as I get to know them better.
Enjoy yourself
Don’t overanalyse, or overthink, or over judge. It’s a first date. Just remember to sit back and actually enjoy the date.
Even if you think you’ll never see them again in a romantic sense, there is no harm in enjoying someone’s company and going with the flow.
Be aware of scammers and catfishers
There’s plenty out there!
And they’ve certainly tried to scam me, as well as some of my friends too, so on a wider scale, imagine how many thousands of scammers are out there! Don’t trust people too early, never lend money to people you haven’t met or to people you have only just met.
And don’t give away personal details too early either.
Always err on the side of caution and if in doubt, do the safest thing.
Use multiple dating apps
There’s so many of them! Whether you opt for Tinder, Bumble, eHarmony, Hinge or HER, give yourself options when it comes to online dating.
There are freaks and weirdos on all the platforms and there are also people looking for love on Tinder.
You never know when you might find someone who you connect with, so give yourself options and choice when it comes to choosing a dating app.
Insist on safe sex!
This one is vital! You may be faced with situations where protection is forgotten, overlooked or ignored so this is where it’s on you to make sure you protect yourself.
Keep a condom in your handbag at all times, just in case, or if you can’t get your hands on one, turn down the intimate encounter.
DON’Ts
Don’t meet someone for the first time at their place
This one is just common sense but it’s amazing how many people offer this as a suggestion for the first meeting, and then get offended when turned down for safety reasons. Wake up people!
With any kind of dating, safety should come first and meeting someone at their place for the first time is just not a smart move. For both parties!
Don’t give out contact details too early
Protect your privacy, your family, your personal space.
These days, there are ways to chat to someone without giving your phone number or even your real name out.
So get to know someone first, try to establish whether you have a basic level of trust and then think about sharing your number, and/or your address.
You have nothing to lose being extra cautious with this, and everything to gain, especially within single parent households.
Don’t introduce them to the kids too soon.
I find it really odd when people introduce someone they’re dating to their kids in the early stages of dating. Don’t make this parenting mistake. If things don’t work out, your kids are potentially being asked to make big emotional adjustments.
So wait. Wait until you’re pretty sure about this person. Wait until you’re past the initial dating stage and into a real partnership stage.
It protects your kids and prevents disappointment, potential anxiety and jealousy for no reason.
“People don’t enter new relationships expecting or wanting them to end, but it’s important to consider how stable your new relationship is before you introduce your child to your partner. Exposing your child too early means you risk your child experiencing more grief, upheaval and stress – one loss after another. Try and wait until you know that this relationship has moved from dating to a more serious dynamic before you consider this introduction.”
Relationships Australia – relationshipsnsw.org.au
Ugh, there’s nothing worse than unsolicited nudes or unwanted explicit pics.
First of all, it’s illegal to send this kind of content when it’s unsolicited, and secondly, in this day and age, you have no idea where those images may end up!
They could be shared, posted, duplicated or altered.
It’s just too risky in the online space so just avoid it altogether.
Keep some mystery!
There has to be more to share at a later stage, and it’s also for safety reasons!
So share what you’re comfortable with but keep some details close to yourself and try to get a vibe for how much they are sharing about themselves. Try not overshare if they seem very conservative.
Obviously this is going to be personal choice but trust your gut and share what you feel is appropriate.
Don’t give them any money!
Referring to my above point about scammers and catfishers, they are everywhere and will try a myriad of ways to get money from unsuspecting people, sometimes especially when they know they are dating single mothers.
So be cautious, be aware, and don’t fall for any sob stories of why they may need money.
Keep your wallet close and keep your ears and eyes wide open.
Splitting a bill or paying a bill is one thing, but blatantly asking for money or lending money is just rude and inappropriate when dating.
Don’t be too trusting
This relates to some of my above points. You do not know this person! At all.
It’s important to keep your personal details private until you have developed a very basic level of trust with this person.
Retain some mystery, don’t overshare, and don’t trust a stranger too early with personal information about yourself or your family, and be wary of your surroundings and where you choose to meet and spend time with this person.
Don’t give up too quickly
Dating can be tiring. It can be frustrating. It can be disappointing, it can be exciting, but it can also be an emotional roller coaster.
I have come home from many dates feeling flat and disappointed, ready to give it all up and accept a single life forever.
But the truth is, I would love to share my life with someone and fall in love again.
So don’t give up too quickly. Give people a chance and keep trying, keep dating.
Say your affirmations and stay positive. You just never know if a potential partner may be around the next corner.
Summary – Single mum dating
After living the single life for several years now, I have dated, I have given up on dating, I have changed my mind and started dating again, only to be disappointed all over again. Dating life is hard. As single parents, we don’t get a lot of free time. But it can also be fun. It means I get to get dressed up, get out of the house and meet new people.
Are you a single parent who is dating? Or do you want to start dating? Share your stories with me! Surely I’m not the only single mother with Dating Horror Stories.
Let me know the the good, the bad, the ugly and the amazing in the comments!