5 Parenting Mistakes Making Life Harder for Your Child, including lack of routine, over monitoring and making comparisons. A guest post by Halimeh from CryingToddlers.com
Nowadays, parents can directly and indirectly affect their kids’ future. Children rely on the world to teach them how to grow up to be responsible and successful adults. However, parents have been making common mistakes that have deprived children of acquiring necessary skills. I, unfortunately, have made these mistakes and have seen the consequences. I have made a promise to myself to teach others about the 5 parenting mistakes that are making life harder for their children.
Did you know that routines are very important for both children and parents? Routines help children know what to expect at home. They feel safe and create strong bonds when they have scheduled times for play with parents and family meal time. Also, a sleep routine is something that should never be disregarded.
How many times do you hear a new parent saying, “I just want my kids to grow up so I can sleep?” You can start with a sleep routine as early as two weeks of life. By creating a sleep routine, your babies or older children can learn how to fall asleep on their own. They may sleep for longer intervals too. This will help you sleep better and be ready in the morning for a new day. I personally follow the moms on call schedule to keep mine and my children’s life organized and healthy.
Over-monitoring children is a huge mistake. You do need to teach your children what is okay to do and what is not. They need to have a clear vision of what is expected of them, but that’s it. It can be detrimental to their independence telling them what to do, where to go, what to eat and so on, without allowing a little agency. Let them have a bit of freedom to make their own choices. If you over-monitor them, they may never feel independent, and they may always feel like they are incapable and untrustworthy. Building trust between you and your child will teach your child to do what they think is right on their own.
Parents hide very important information from their children because they believe it can cause trouble. Little do they know that children usually find out things on their own, and the consequences can be horrible. It is better for the parents to explain to the children important changes so that they could be emotionally and physically ready. If you fail to tell them, when they find out, it may cause trust issues.
For example, if someone is going to live with you for a while, it’s probably a good idea the kids are given enough warning. If parents are going to get divorced, the children should know what to expect. If their mother is pregnant, they should know. This does not mean that the children should know everything from the start. Instead, tell them when you find it suitable. For example, if you are pregnant, don’t tell them when you first get a positive pregnancy test, but instead when the probability of miscarriage is low.
When your child is showing emotions, let them explain to you why they are feeling this way. Let them talk about it, and tell them you understand why they feel this way. When you tell children that their feelings aren’t a big deal, you are communicating to them that it is not okay to feel this. You are telling them to hide their feelings. It is an important life skill for children to know that their emotions matter and that they should express what they feel.
Bottling feelings inside oneself is not healthy. It increases anxiety and depression. Let your children find comfort within you. Be the shoulder your child can cry on.
Parents should not compare their children to others. Though most parents do. This is a big no no. Children always want to look the best in front of their parents. By telling them to be like others, you are destroying their confidence. They will always feel like they are not enough. Children need to accept themselves. You could show them how to develop to their utmost potential without making them lose confidence at home and outdoors. Always tell them you love them and you are proud of them. This should fill their bucket, rather than bring them down. Everything should be balanced.
Parents can make common mistakes that affect children negatively as they grow up. Avoid these mistakes and create positive bonds with your children. One day, they will grow up, and you want their childhood memories to be positive. Trust your child, and let them grow up to be great people.
Halimeh Salem is the founder of www.cryingtoddlers.com She loves helping moms overcome the obstacles they may face during the journey of pregnancy and motherhood. During her free time, she loves playing with her two children, Sama and Basem.